Hope

Those 4 letters carried me through my darkest times with fibromyalgia and being a parent of a bipolar son. I found a ring that held those letters and when my hope of being better started to fade I had that ring to remind me to keep going! And in turn, when I thought I could not take another belittling session from my son, or endure one of his rage episodes I knew that “Hope” would get me through.

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Well recently I want to memorialize that word a bit more permanently. I began toying around with a tattoo. Now, let me tell you getting a tattoo was no light decision. My mother is probably rolling around in her grave, but this is what I needed to do for me! So, I thought long and hard about how to translate all I wanted into a tattoo, I came up with this…

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SO… the infinity symbol is for the love between my hubby and I. He has been by my side even at the bottom! He did all the cleaning, shuffling kids and grocery shopping when they were just beyond my ability to get done for the day. He chauffeured me to dr appointments when I could not get myself there. He fought with the doctors for answers…22 years of marriage + 7 dating so I think we are set for eternity.

Hubby is a police officer so that is the thin blue line in the middle that ties all officers and their families together. AND HOPE to remind me that with hope I can face any challenge. (Even the parenting a teenager with bipolar challenge)

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At What Point?

As much as I try to keep myself positive some days the boiling point just feels low! I know I can’t be the only parent that has these days. If you have ever had a teenager you know my pain, if you have had a bipolar teenager than you really KNOW my pain!

I love to hear, “Well IF he were my kid…” It is so easy to throw stones but if you haven’t walked in someone’s shoes sometimes it is best to just listen and be there without judgement. In my case I say, “it is like stopping a speeding train.” You can WILL the train to stop but it won’t, you can yell and scream at the train for it to stop but it won’t, you can take away the train’s windows but it will still keep moving.  I have to believe that somethings are just out of our control. Otherwise I am gonna beat myself up! boiling point_title

Today I am choosing my battles carefully because otherwise, I a bubbling over the top. Please tell me I am NOT the only one.  I am trying to see the silver lining. He is not into drugs, drinking, and other life dangerous things. He is not sick, (physically), He has some wonderful qualities. We are just going through a rough road. Although it has been a lifetime for him on this road. rough road I am working for a smoother tomorrow! Still learning how to parent a bipolar teen. Hoping tomorrow will be better!

 

 

 

Sharing Your World 2015: Week 4

As usual it has been a roller coaster of a week.

Where did you live at age five?  Is it the same place or town you live now?

I lived in Tampa, Florida with my mom. She was a single parent and we lived in a one bedroom apartment which I remember vividly.

Surprisingly I learned this past October that at age 3 my mother took me away from my father. I of course knew nothing about this. My mom is gone and can not ask. But my father told me he came home from work and my mom and I were gone! He did not hear from my mom again until I was 5! I can’t imagine his pain!!! This leaves me wondering so much!!! My was BLOWN AWAY by this news. and strangely enough it came up in casual conversation with my daughter and my father. I knew nothing about this and at this point… not sure I wanna know more…

You are invited to a party that will be attended by many fascinating people you never met.  Would you attend this party if you were to go by yourself?

I would go by myself. I am at the point in my life when I say no regrets. You never know how your life could change by who you meet.. I could meet someone I could learn so much from!

Did you grow up in a small or big town? Did you like it?

I grew up in Tampa from age 3 to age 10. I loved the special places my mom took me. I did fly to Chicago each summer solo to visit my uncle, my mom’s brother. I absolutely loved this town!!! There is soooo much to see and do. We moved back there at age 12 just for 2 years and loved all the museums, zoos and parks.

As a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?

As a kid I do not remember wanting to be anything. Weird I know! But as a teen my thoughts were architect, oceanographer, psychologist. In college, my first four years, my major was psychology. In year 5, I changed my major to special education. I use psychology everyday in my classroom.

Bonus question:  What are you grateful for from last week, and what are you looking forward to in the week coming up?

From last week I am grateful for a a lot.

1. My son who last year thought he would not graduate from high school received a letter to the Honor Society. He has returned to the public school system after 3 years of virtual school and clearly is ROCKING it! Proof, that if you set your mind to something you can do it!! Proud momma moment!

2. I spent almost 2 hours on the phone with my daughter this past weekend! I loved every minute of it!!!

3. I am thankful for my journey with Young Living. Both sides of using oils hit home this week. One they kept me healthy with the dreaded flu going around school, I have been heavily oiled! And when our bank account fell short this month my extra income saved the day!I look forward to a quiet weekend as this week is almost over! Hubby is working his weekend so this police wife gets to spend it alone…

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Me at age 5

Me and my dad- October 2014

Me and my dad- October 2014

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Making My Own Sunshine

If you have never experience a bipolar teen be thankful! The roller coaster is a hard and fast ride! Last night my 16 year old bipolar teen decided NOT to go to sleep (at all). AND YES he IS at school TODAY!!! Well this lady NEEDS sleep! So being woken up at 3:30 am to the sound of the television, then the shower, blender, cat meowing, dog barking all before MY real alarm was set to go off at 5:30 am does not make this lady happy! So no sleep and gray skies and cool weather means I AM MAKING MY OWN SUNSHINE today! Here’s my recipe for today!

1. Reading other people’s blogs feeling their pains, celebrating their celebrations sharing the joy in the images they share- SUNSHINE!

2. Diffusing peppermint, only way I am staying up. (Don’t drink caffeine although by three I MIGHT!!!)

3. Listening to children read. If you haven’t had the joy of listen to children read this is a must! Fills your heart with pure SUNSHINE!

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