Hope

Those 4 letters carried me through my darkest times with fibromyalgia and being a parent of a bipolar son. I found a ring that held those letters and when my hope of being better started to fade I had that ring to remind me to keep going! And in turn, when I thought I could not take another belittling session from my son, or endure one of his rage episodes I knew that “Hope” would get me through.

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Well recently I want to memorialize that word a bit more permanently. I began toying around with a tattoo. Now, let me tell you getting a tattoo was no light decision. My mother is probably rolling around in her grave, but this is what I needed to do for me! So, I thought long and hard about how to translate all I wanted into a tattoo, I came up with this…

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SO… the infinity symbol is for the love between my hubby and I. He has been by my side even at the bottom! He did all the cleaning, shuffling kids and grocery shopping when they were just beyond my ability to get done for the day. He chauffeured me to dr appointments when I could not get myself there. He fought with the doctors for answers…22 years of marriage + 7 dating so I think we are set for eternity.

Hubby is a police officer so that is the thin blue line in the middle that ties all officers and their families together. AND HOPE to remind me that with hope I can face any challenge. (Even the parenting a teenager with bipolar challenge)

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Possibilities…

Having the possibility of pain relief is a double edged sword! IF I give myself to the possibility of relief I let my mind go to a place of hope… one that could turn to bite me in the butt if it doesn’t work out! If I don’t let my mind go there then there is NO hope!

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I was in this place so many times in the past! Doctor after doctor giving myself over to the possibility… pain relief… one time it came from an experience a naturally healing center…

“Come for a free evaluation” “We treat Fibromyalgia” So off I went for my “free” Ok $100 evaluation … not so free (but of course I did NOT know that until AFTER the evaluation! Here is how it went… See the ad, HOPE pain relief will come this time…take time off work… HOPE, go to appointment…HOPE! Everything sounded great! They will do a thorough evaluation, real doctors but natural healing focus! They did bloodwork… extensive… saw the chiropractor… Doctor said… come back in a week for follow up and to review the results. HOPE EVERY DAY OF EVERY MINUTE FOR THAT WEEK!!!

When I returned in a week (With HOPE in my pocket) I was let into a little room. a binder was brought to me, with my results. The bad news… ha I have fibromyalia (Yeah, I knew that, let me NOT laugh or cry), Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis (Yeah, I knew that), Degenerative Disk disease (Hmmm… new dx) The good news… We can treat all of this for… drum roll…$8,000 (Hope went right down the drain) my great health insurance does not cover their services. Oh and it is HALF up front AND I would need to come 3X a week for treatment (Ummm I work and tutor, and I am a wife and mom) Once a week would be stretching it… HOPE was in the toilet at this point! At what cost is HOPE? Within reach my or out of it?

I have felt many times as though Fibro has stolen my HOPE. When and where would I find it? At a doctors office, with a new treatment, a pill (or many of them), natural healing center?

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Had I not been given this experience I am not sure my mind would have been open to natural healing methods. If they had something that would work at the cost of $8,000 what else is out there I don’t know about? My mind had been so stuck in the cycle of seeing doctors, trying pills, seeing more doctors trying new pills that natural methods were foreign to me. Enter Young Living Essential Oils into my life and HOPE returned once again (resiliency is my strong point)!