Hope

Those 4 letters carried me through my darkest times with fibromyalgia and being a parent of a bipolar son. I found a ring that held those letters and when my hope of being better started to fade I had that ring to remind me to keep going! And in turn, when I thought I could not take another belittling session from my son, or endure one of his rage episodes I knew that “Hope” would get me through.

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Well recently I want to memorialize that word a bit more permanently. I began toying around with a tattoo. Now, let me tell you getting a tattoo was no light decision. My mother is probably rolling around in her grave, but this is what I needed to do for me! So, I thought long and hard about how to translate all I wanted into a tattoo, I came up with this…

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SO… the infinity symbol is for the love between my hubby and I. He has been by my side even at the bottom! He did all the cleaning, shuffling kids and grocery shopping when they were just beyond my ability to get done for the day. He chauffeured me to dr appointments when I could not get myself there. He fought with the doctors for answers…22 years of marriage + 7 dating so I think we are set for eternity.

Hubby is a police officer so that is the thin blue line in the middle that ties all officers and their families together. AND HOPE to remind me that with hope I can face any challenge. (Even the parenting a teenager with bipolar challenge)

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At What Point?

As much as I try to keep myself positive some days the boiling point just feels low! I know I can’t be the only parent that has these days. If you have ever had a teenager you know my pain, if you have had a bipolar teenager than you really KNOW my pain!

I love to hear, “Well IF he were my kid…” It is so easy to throw stones but if you haven’t walked in someone’s shoes sometimes it is best to just listen and be there without judgement. In my case I say, “it is like stopping a speeding train.” You can WILL the train to stop but it won’t, you can yell and scream at the train for it to stop but it won’t, you can take away the train’s windows but it will still keep moving.  I have to believe that somethings are just out of our control. Otherwise I am gonna beat myself up! boiling point_title

Today I am choosing my battles carefully because otherwise, I a bubbling over the top. Please tell me I am NOT the only one.  I am trying to see the silver lining. He is not into drugs, drinking, and other life dangerous things. He is not sick, (physically), He has some wonderful qualities. We are just going through a rough road. Although it has been a lifetime for him on this road. rough road I am working for a smoother tomorrow! Still learning how to parent a bipolar teen. Hoping tomorrow will be better!

 

 

 

Sharing Your World 2015: Week 4

As usual it has been a roller coaster of a week.

Where did you live at age five?  Is it the same place or town you live now?

I lived in Tampa, Florida with my mom. She was a single parent and we lived in a one bedroom apartment which I remember vividly.

Surprisingly I learned this past October that at age 3 my mother took me away from my father. I of course knew nothing about this. My mom is gone and can not ask. But my father told me he came home from work and my mom and I were gone! He did not hear from my mom again until I was 5! I can’t imagine his pain!!! This leaves me wondering so much!!! My was BLOWN AWAY by this news. and strangely enough it came up in casual conversation with my daughter and my father. I knew nothing about this and at this point… not sure I wanna know more…

You are invited to a party that will be attended by many fascinating people you never met.  Would you attend this party if you were to go by yourself?

I would go by myself. I am at the point in my life when I say no regrets. You never know how your life could change by who you meet.. I could meet someone I could learn so much from!

Did you grow up in a small or big town? Did you like it?

I grew up in Tampa from age 3 to age 10. I loved the special places my mom took me. I did fly to Chicago each summer solo to visit my uncle, my mom’s brother. I absolutely loved this town!!! There is soooo much to see and do. We moved back there at age 12 just for 2 years and loved all the museums, zoos and parks.

As a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?

As a kid I do not remember wanting to be anything. Weird I know! But as a teen my thoughts were architect, oceanographer, psychologist. In college, my first four years, my major was psychology. In year 5, I changed my major to special education. I use psychology everyday in my classroom.

Bonus question:  What are you grateful for from last week, and what are you looking forward to in the week coming up?

From last week I am grateful for a a lot.

1. My son who last year thought he would not graduate from high school received a letter to the Honor Society. He has returned to the public school system after 3 years of virtual school and clearly is ROCKING it! Proof, that if you set your mind to something you can do it!! Proud momma moment!

2. I spent almost 2 hours on the phone with my daughter this past weekend! I loved every minute of it!!!

3. I am thankful for my journey with Young Living. Both sides of using oils hit home this week. One they kept me healthy with the dreaded flu going around school, I have been heavily oiled! And when our bank account fell short this month my extra income saved the day!I look forward to a quiet weekend as this week is almost over! Hubby is working his weekend so this police wife gets to spend it alone…

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Me at age 5

Me and my dad- October 2014

Me and my dad- October 2014

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Enough is Enough? Then Change Something!

In response to the Daily Post’s Challenge

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/dp_prompt/enough-is-enough/

I have been at the point of Enough is Enough too many times to count. I am the type of person who when I get to that point of saying, “I have had enough!!” I make a change! I am not one to stay put and have a pity party.

1. The day the doctor told me to file for disability. Nope I did not throw in the towel. I fought back and am better than ever.

2. When my son started having behavioral issues at age 3. I did not throw in the towel. I has been a LONG HARD road. Numerous doctors, medicines, hospital visits, therapists, fights, interventions. Happy to say he is resilient and fighting back every day!

3. When my teenage daughter was going down the wrong path. I had had ENOUGH. I forced her to make a change. Ha. Yeah grounding, talking non stop, and a bit of praying too! In the end she did make a change and is the most beautiful young lady today!

So when forced to say, “I have had enough!”

Make a change and SHINE on!

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The Trap or Is It?

I am not a big one on New Year’s Resolutions as I think of each day as a day to make a change. But reading everyone’s choice to make January the 1st as THE day to resolve to make a change in their life I always wonder, “What can I do today better than I did yesterday?” What will a RESOLVE to do tomorrow better than I did today? What a powerful word it is!

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Well this causes me to reflect on yesterday…what choices did I make that I could have made better ones? Yelling at my kids a bit too much, spending too much time on Social Media, not calling that friend I should have, eating too much chocolate, drinking that soda.

All ring true for me! So… I have some work to to as clearly we can all do BETTER… Not be perfect but make slow steady improvements.

A step in the right direction is a daily conscious CHOICE and NOT always the easiest to follow through with. But step by step we can RESOLVE to do better and be better. Less, chocolate, yelling, more family time, more special conversations.

So here are MY choices one to take on a MINOR weight-loss challenge by drinking water instead of soda (not that I drink it often But…I can Just say NO soda!) Less yelling… Taking a time out and THINK before I jump on my teens. Committed family time each day MINUS the social media.

I am committing to a morning, afternoon and evening ritual of oils to drop 5 pounds.  I will join in an online challenge to encourage others and stick to MY PLAN. Wanna come along? Comment for more info. Comment to give me a bit of encouragement, comment with what YOU resolve to do!

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One Word for 2015…

In thinking about a word to focus on for 2015, I thought of many…dream, focus, peace, transform, serenity but one stuck with me… HARMONY!

I am needing a little Harmony in my life!

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Having a bipolar teenager is enough to send even the most calm and collected parent running for the hills or perhaps just under the covers!

Add on top of that being a Law Enforcement Officer’s wife, teaching full-time as a reading specialist working with struggling readers all day, tutoring afterschool, and running a business I need HARMONY Big time!

I am going to get some canvas and paint me a picture to hang up so I can focus on this!

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If something can be let go of I WILL LET IT GO… I will not add anymore stress to my already full plate. I will continue to find harmony between my illness and my business sharing my story with anyone who will listen. I will find harmony between my hubby and myself trying to find sometime to focus on each other. I will find harmony between my son and myself, letting the little things that teenagers harp on not get to me so much! I will find the harmony in 2015!

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